The Brad Hole

Ian decides he's anti-fur.

We took Ian in for our weekly check-up last Friday. He'd dropped down to 12 lbs. 5 ozs and his tumor had grown considerably since the week before, so that was disappointing. In the time since his visit last Friday, his appetite has also diminished and the subcutaneous fluid injections seem more and more like they're the only thing holding him together. His attitude is on most days normal, but his energy level has dropped some. He's still got bursts of energy during the day and he's not constantly sleeping, but he's lost a little playfulness, no doubt about it.

As well, his grooming habits have gone to hell. Because of his extreme drooling and lack of tongue, any attempt he makes results in a mass of really wet, sticky fur. When this fur dries, it clumps. He's taken to biting off the dry clumps to clean up. Now when he grooms himself, it looks like a chicken died, with lots of little cat fur "feathers" left behind. He's also got matching patchy bald spots on his hind legs, butt and forepaws. He's looked better, to put it nicely.

Posted by bradman at 09:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

An upswing on the rollercoaster after the break.

Last week Beth took Ian into the vet with the intention of doing the fluid injection herself under supervision. They weighed him at 12 lb 10 oz, so that just proved what we'd already known. The vet also advised us to bring Ian in on a weekly basis now, which we've scheduled for every Friday.

To cut to the chase: the fluid injections have completely restored his appetite. We'll see what his weight is on Friday, but I expect he's topped 13 lbs again. He's been back to his piggy self. The vet also peeked at his tumor last Thursday and noted that it hasn't appeared to have grown much, if at all, since the prior visit. We'll see if that holds up for this Friday. We've given him injections (150 ml of the fluid) last Saturday, again on Monday and we'll do it again today and Friday. It turns out it's not a huge deal to do these injections and Ian doesn't mind so I'm certainly OK with continuing with this for as long as it takes.

The downsides are that his drooling is still borderline extreme. As well, he's taken to biting his front paws to clean them (since licking is ineffective with his nubbin) which has left them patchy-looking, drooly and bald. It's quite a look.

I was pretty convinced this week would be his last until the fluid injections perked his appetite back up. I think his decline has plateaued for at least the short term. I'll rate his quality of life since last Thursday as a fairly consistent 6.5 to 7 out of 10.

Posted by bradman at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So today is my last day at Apple and my first day back at my old job at Aspyr. I decided after after a fair amount of waffling that I really enjoyed my old job much more than the new one at Apple. It got to the point where I wanted to wake up each morning and look forward to my job - and I wasn't. I don't know if I can go into specifics about what all I've been up to the last few months, but I would stress that it wasn't a "people" issue - Kent, Geoff and John Stauffer were all very kind and very willing to work with me. But Apple is a large company with a focused direction, and it felt like at times Apple was the lover that I was hoping to change to fit my own needs, which is not a good way to approach a job. ;-)

So it's back to Aspyr. I remember when I left Aspyr last year that I was kinda bummed because I loved my job and working with the people there, so it's a very easy thing for me to go back, and I feel like I can pick back up and get rolling really easily and quickly. I've worked with this team since 1999 so it's a lot like going back to family after a summer backpacking around Europe.

Posted by bradman at 08:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Ian's battle with cancer continues, probably more rapidly than we'd like. More after the break.

Beth is going to take him in today for a subcutaneous fluid injection with the intention of doing the injection herself. We're also going to see if we can get them to weigh Ian as it appears he's on a crash diet - he's very bony now. His pink man-boob gut waddle, long a trademark of his "big-bonedness", has all but disappeared. He's down to under a jar of baby food a day but his attitude and personality still seem fine. His biggest annoyance appears to be the tumor in his mouth as he'll frequently make the "I've got something in my mouth" gack noise and accompanying head shake. Watching him eat, each bite is followed by this same motion so it appears to be reaching a critical point. I'm throwing out more and more uneaten baby food and this morning he spent a minute or two eating a total of 6 bites or so before stopping.

My belief at this point is that we'll be lucky if he makes it through the end of next week. I think in short order we'll reach the point where he'll be subsisting solely on fluid injections, which to me would signal that it's time, given his current skeleton-like appearance. We'll see though - he's surprised us before with his ability to adapt. He may plateau for all I know.

They say it's sometimes helpful to rate the cat's status to determine the trend and find out if too many bad days in a row have occurred. If 10 is healthy, 1 is dead, then I'd rate him a 5 following his surgery, an 8 in the weeks after where he was gaining weight back, a 7 when we took him in last week and probably a 6 now. Mentally he's in good shape, but physically he's nearing his low point.

Posted by bradman at 06:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It looks like I'll be spamming my blog with lots of cat updates in the next month. I suspect it may be difficult to try to follow what looks to be an emotional rollercoaster ride on a semi-weekly basis, so it may be easiest to wait for the final post in the series and then read all these entries in one shot.

Today's update follows the break.

It's been almost a month since we took Ian in and discovered his cancer, and the subsequent surgery to remove the tumor under his tongue. Initially we were concerned about his appetite, but he's taken to Beech Nut stage 1 chicken baby food and has been eating and drinking pretty regularly.

A few days ago, his drooling started to become excessive again, much like it was when we brought him in before we knew about the tumor. Within the past few days, he's been pretty much constantly drooling, with ropes hanging out of his mouth most of the time he's awake, and build-up on his chest when he sleeps. As well, he didn't eat much Wednesday or yesterday, so I hastily scheduled a vet appointment for 8:15 this morning.

The good news: he's up to 13.6 lbs, which means he has gained a half-pound since surgery -- although he's not back up to his pre-surgery weight of 14.1 nor his "Pavarotti" days of 15.5 lbs. I was honestly expecting worse given his lack of appetite the last few days. Also good news: the vet was pleasantly surprised that he's held up so well for so long.

The bad news: the tumor has grown back under his tongue. It's not as large as it was before, but when the vet showed us the area, it was easily visible and irritated. It was a little larger than I was frankly comfortable with, but I never saw the original tumor so I don't know how the size compares. The diagnosis is feline squamous cell carcinoma which is known to be fast-growing and fast-spreading, so although it's a deep disappointment to see the tumor again, it wasn't a total shock.

Beth and I decided long ago that we're not going to subject Ian to surgery again for several reasons. First, he lost a full pound of weight last time his mouth was operated on. Second, the vet says it won't really do much - the cancer will continue to aggressively grow and spread and is likely already in his lymph nodes. Finally, it'll be very expensive to boot (it cost roughly $750 for surgery last time) so the vet believes we'd just be wasting money and effort only to be rewarded with heartache. He said he wouldn't talk us out of surgery but the payoff in quality of life for surgery on these types of tumors is typically great for the first time, and markedly less so each successive time.

At this point, we're essentially doing cat hospice care. We'll make his remaining days as comfortable as possible. In the short term, the vet may have us give him regular subcutaneous injections to keep him "above water"; dehydration will cause him to deteriorate more rapidly and with his mouth/tongue difficulties that will be a factor. When he's strung together enough "bad days", then it'll be time. The vet cautioned that there won't likely be any one indicator - weight, attitude, appetite and drooling will all factor -- and he'll give us his opinion if Ian's quality of life has crossed the line and he believes we're unnecessarily extending it for purely emotional reasons, which I greatly appreciate.

My belief is that the drooling issue has already caused him to have trouble eating as much as he'd like, so he will probably continue to lose weight gradually. Right now he smacks his mouth a lot and when he shakes his head, you get wet if you're nearby. From an attitude standpoint, he hasn't had a "bad" day since recovering from surgery but I think we're probably looking at a week or two tops before his inability to eat and the tumor growth cause more difficulty. The vet guessed that Ian has probably a month left due to the aggressiveness of the cancer, but that's not an exact science by any means.

I'm still not sure what to make of it all. I work from home and Ian is always in my office, so to say this is a distraction is an understatement. It might be easier if I didn't work from home and didn't have to watch his decline from so close a view. There are times when It's very hard to focus on anything else. I don't mean this to sound cold or unfeeling, but there's a part of me that hopes this will end sooner rather than later because it's very emotionally draining - more than I would have ever guessed.

Posted by bradman at 09:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

We've been late to the current-generation console party, and it was only in late January that we picked up an Xbox 360. The very first game I rented was BioShock, which I later purchased. I'm a big fan of games with a strong single-player component. Due to an overwhelming hatred towards my fellow gaming man, I could care less about jumping online to get shot at by 14-year-olds with a bad case of Tourette's so single-player games are my first love.

With that said, BioShock well exceeded my expectations. It was easy to get bitter and burned out on games after working on them for 8+ years, but BioShock single-handedly renewed my interest with a vengeance. The story was unique and compelling, and the visuals and graphics excellent. I had more than a few "crap my pants" moments early on as I got sucked into the gameplay. It's also without a doubt a bloody, violent game although the setting is so inventive and otherworldly as to make it work in the context as opposed to games that are violent just because they can be. The send-up of Ayn Rand (in the form of the game's Andrew Ryan) and her objectivist theories really adds to the experience as well.

It's very rare for me to play a game to completion. Often I'll get close but some sort of crazy boss monster (and dozens of repeated deaths on my part) cause me to throw in the towel. So it was a pleasant surprise to me that BioShock was the first game that I'd finished in years (probably since Knights of the Old Republic, I'd guess).

Wonderfully plotted and at times very suspenseful, BioShock is now one of my all-time favorite games.

Posted by bradman at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)