Ian is trying to kill us
When Beth and I married, our two cats became step-brothers to each other, as these things go. Ian was my cat before the marriage, and Bagheera was Beth's. And now Ian is trying to kill us.
He's an attention slut, so he demands to be at your feet - lying down - whenever there's action. This is especially dangerous in the kitchen, where he will sneak up behind you and plant himself, waiting for you to turn around and trip over him with a pot of hot water or a heavy casserole dish. Even though he is missing one fang in front, he still bites pretty damn hard - much harder than Bagheera, who has a full set of teeth. He also likes to pee in clothing piles that rest on the floor. I've known about this little trick from way back, but Beth learned the lesson the hard way this weekend while doing laundry. (Technically, we don't know for sure that it was Ian, but Bagheera tends to spray back and stain walls, whereas Ian sprays down.)
I'm not sure what he hopes to gain from this - he's not listed as a beneficiary in our life insurance policies. The only human food he has shown an interest in is french fries, so causing a kitchen spill seems an unlikely goal as well. I think it's part of his alpha-male domination over Bagheera. If he offs one of us, it'll be a way to further reinforce to Bagheera that, yes, Ian is the Master of the House. Perhaps he senses that I'm not really a cat person.
I always catch him in my office chair when I get up, so I would not be surprised to find him reading my blog in the future. Well, I'm on to you buddy.